Namaste!

So, the last you heard from our heroes, they were on a lovely train ride, in awe of the Adriatic Sea as they rode along the east coast of Italy... the story that follows is pretty long - but further updates will hopefully be shorter as we settle in.

The train ride was great - we had the best seats in the train, but we're not sure how that happened. Most of the seats were like you would see in an airplane, with the same kind of fold down tray table. But our seats on the train were facing each other - there were six seats altogether, and two were empty (Dana was across the aisle), and our tables were like tables that you see in an RV, bolted to the floor, but would fold up toward the center to make it easier to get in and out of the seats. Seats way comfy - the only problem we had was that our luggage didn't really fit in the overhead bins, so we had to either shove them in and let them hang over, or put them under our tables or in the aisles. We saw other people with luggage just left in the aisle, so we did the same. We made mental note to pack differently next time so it fits better.

At one point we stopped in Froggia to switch tracks and to pick up some people and it said that it would be a 15 minute delay - we were out of water and there was a water fountain just outside the train on the platform. I took a couple of bottles and thought we would have time to fill them up - but the problem was that the fountain wasn't deep enough to fill a bottle (the bottle stayed horizontal and could only be filled about 1/4 of the way). Then this old Italian man came up to me and started laughing at me, talking and pointing to an area down the platform - he was obviously telling me that there was a better fountain down the platform, but I didn't want to leave the train... I spoke back in English, and even started walking toward the fountain he was pointing to, but got nervous and came back - again he's laughing at me and talking, saying what I interpreted as "What the hell are you doing coming back, I just told you where there was a better fountain"... so then I started signing to him, pointing to my imaginary wrist watch and the train and shaking my head. He laughed again and got it, and I got back on the train with no water. But that was a good time, meanwhile Patti and Dana are trying to get my attention through the window to tell me that the train was leaving. Close one!!

We arrived in Bari and knew that we had to take a resort shuttle to Monopoli for 35 miles (and ‘only’ 100€) - but we weren't sure that they would be there waiting for us, or how to find them. Just when we were about to find a phone, Jon found us! He had a sign for us - and spotted our American English. It was a festive atmosphere at the train station, and there was a little piazza across the way with a band playing the Italian version of Lionel Ritchie's "All Night Long"... all night... all night long... all night... Jon is from Uganda and has been living in Monopoli for 30 years now. We thought that was quite an advertisement and were sure that we would also soon be hooked on Monopoli. We raced through the streets, going 120 in a 90 (km) - and Dana was smooshed in the back seat (the luggage pushed it forward and it didn't "click" so she was sliding up and back with each curve). It was just as scary to see Italian drivers from this perspective as the pedestrian perspective - but we trusted Jon's driving skills.

Got to Monopoli and to the "resort" (heretofore just referred to as "the resort") - and as we unload our bags Jon asked our names (he wasn't much of a talker on the ride, just kept turning up the music) - and told us that we would surely see each other around the resort. I wasn't sure why at the time, but it gave me a weird feeling, and we soon found out why. We checked in, and just in looking around we weren't awed (we had admitedly been spoiled by past time share experiences, and even by the cute little apts that we'd had so far on this trip)... but it looked like 1960s/70s decor. And then the woman working the front desk asked for our 30 euros (each) for the "activity fee" - didn't they tell us about that? Oh no? Well it's mandatory that we wear them at all times, and it allows us access to all the "sport and activity" (sounds a little like Natasha when she says “Moose and Bull”) - there will be an informational meeting tmw at 9:30 to talk about the activities, but she doesn't have a schedule or any information for us in English. I spotted a sign that explained in English that the wrist bands were required to ensure the peace and serenity of the resort... curiouser and curiouser. We're all one big community, with communal activities...Namaste. It feels like we entered a cult or commune and we just haven't bought in yet.

Jon escorted us to the apt - and wow. It's teeeeeny tiny - it feels like an RV, it's long and narrow, and the kitchen is in the cabinet. You open the cabinet doors in the hall way and there is a sink and a stove top - if anyone is "in the kitchen", you can't walk through the hall. The living room is the size of a queen size bed, and in that space we have a sleeper sofa (one person sleep on the sofa, and the other bed is a trundle that rolls out from under the couch) - the bed room has a full sized bed, and about 3 inches on all sides to walk around. There really is not space for the four of us to even lay out our suitcases. The bathroom is the biggest room and if you feel claustrophobic in the apt, the bathroom gives you a little room to stretch, although the shower is the size of an airport bathroom - if you put your hands up (like "this is a stick up"), and then you turn to all four sides... you'd be touching the wall on each side. The pictures show the living room from the front porch, the hallway down to the bedroom, the “kitchen”, bedroom and lanai. I’m writing this offline before I post, so hopefully I can put all the pics I want to add this time.

Last night it was HOT when we got in because it had been closed up, and there is no AC - and we're in southern Italy where the local flora is cacti and succulents. BUT the good news, Jon said, was that we didn't need AC or a fan (that's good, because they don't have that either) but Jon said its ok because there is a great ocean breeze and it gets "really cool" at night (keeping in mind he’s from Uganda). Well - that's only if you open both the front door and the back door - and there are killer sized mosquitoes here. So we sprayed down with Off, and slept on top of the covers with the doors to the apt wide open. Amy, who wears long sleeved clothing when I am fanning myself, was hot and didn't even use a sheet for cover. We also had been looking forward to the laundry facilities here. I've been gone for 12 days and haven't done laundry yet, Amy and Patti just a few days less than me - and we were really looking forward to our Monopoli week as a week to recharge, give our tourist feet a rest, relax by the ocean, do our laundry, catch up on the internet, drink wine and eat cheese, and just "be" for a week before getting back into tourist mode. However when we looked around it was obvious that there were no laundry facilities (even the place in Rome had a washing machine, but we didn't have a dryer and we didn't want to bother with laundry there because we were almost to Monopoli)... we ask about laundry. Oh yes, they have facilities at the resort, you put your clothes in a bag and for a fee, they launder for you and get them back to you - what bag? Oh just any "bag" - oh ok... and internet? Not in the room, no wi-fi (my waning enthusiasm just took a nose dive) - and in fact it's only available in the lobby at their 4 computer bank, and it costs 30 Euro for 24 hours of access. ugh.

The way the apts are set up is also very communal - they're close together and they all have front patios with just low walls separating you from the next apt - you can see, hear and smell everything that is going on with the families on both sides of you.

There is also a "lanai" through the back door in the bedroom, and it was advertised that each room has an ocean view... well, that's kind of true. We look directly out onto a field of something that was just planted - BUT if you step all the way out to the edge, and you look to your right - you have a view of the ocean.

So, Jon told us that for dinner we should avoid the restaurant, that it was 18 Euro each, and it was not good and we would not be happy (I think he was already detecting our lack of excitement about the room - and that's really being kind, Amy was *fuming* by this point - it's the worst place she's ever stayed through this timeshare) – for a staff member to tell us not to go, wow. We go to the Pizzeria per Jon’s recommendation and we go in to order and no one speaks any English (which is fine, we're not that kind of ugly American) - but we're trying to figure out how the system works. There are signs talking about a credit card from the resort - so we go to the front desk again. Oh yes, as it turns out in order to order any food from anywhere on the property you need this card, everything will be put on that card and then you pay at the end of your stay. Well, could we get one? Oh yes, of course... back at the pizzeria and we're trying to stay positive... we're just spoiled - the room will be fine, we'll get acclimated to the heat, we're in ITALY for pete's sake - we can smell the sea... we'll be fine! Cue the SCREAMING Italians on the other side of the hedge who are trying to get their children to do what they want them to - I mean it was screeching... they bring us our drinks and the bottle of wine that Amy ordered to get us back in the mood... it's not open, and they didn't give us a cork screw. Ok - it's all good, we took it back up to the counter and they happily opened it for us (just not sure why we had to ask). Waiting for our pizza... and waiting... and waiting... Dana volunteers to go check on it (we're trying to keep Amy away from staff at this point) - and they see her, and the waitress goes into the pizza chefs and they start making our pizzas. All the menus are in Italian, and so when we were ordering we got a 4 cheese again, and a margarita since its iconic of Italy, and we wanted a third to share... I knew that Patti and Dana didn't like mushrooms, so I looked for one that didn't include "funghi" and pointed to it, the Napolatana - hey sounds good. Well, when they finally come out, the cheese and the margarita pizzas are great - something in that sauce that is like sweet yet zesty - yummy goodness. but on the third pizza it looks like mushrooms are on it - I'm apologetic, maybe it was a different kind of mushroom - Patti says she's fine that she can pick them off, no problem... so I take a big bite - and it isn't mushrooms!! ANCHOVIES!! ACK!! It was what tuna pizza must taste like - except more bitter and more salty. But we had a whole pizza of this! I thought I would try to get it down, just to have food since we hadn't really eaten a lot that day - I put it back in my mouth and it was rejected. Luckily Amy loves anchovies and was nice enough to just eat that instead of sharing in the other pizzas. Live and learn. We played the “good game” from Pollyana – name something good to keep looking on the positive. “We’re in Italy”, became a mantra – and we joked “we’ll always have Monopoli” – this place has created lots of memories already and we’ve been here just a few hours. One of the activities that they told us about tonight, part of the benefit of our 30 euro activity fee, was music. In the background is a bad cover band signing American classics in Italian.. the worst was “Safety Dance” if that gives you any idea – but we made a game out of it, name that song in bad Italian… Patti was really good at it.

At about 11 we were thinking about bed – but we decide to check out the pool area first (huge! They have a big kiddie pool and then another pool with lap lanes). We hear some performance happening and see a sign for “Animation” (Jon had told us on the car ride that tonight there would be music and animation, but we thought it was some kind of cartoon) – turns out that it’s the name of the performance troupe that works at the resort. Wow. That’s when Patti pegged the feeling that we’d been having – we’re living the Italian version of Dirty Dancing. This is that kind of place, where families come with their kids and activities are laid out like a cruise ship and cheesy entertainers are like celebrities… we hang out for a second to watch the show, all in Italian of course, and we notice how many kids are really here – TONS of kids – this is definitely the family vacation spot, and from what we saw at the Pizzeria, it seems like many families come together, so there are just hoards of little cousins running around, children screaming and babies crying at all hours (and then throw in screaming mothers – we’re not sure where they get the idea of peace and serenity). The stage show looks like something you would see at a comedy improv group – but its very amorous. Its like 11 and there are very young kids, 3-8, sitting in the front row watching two people in bed, the man was actually shaking like he’s a dog on a leg, and the kids are just rolling with laughter. We didn’t stay long, and we headed back up to the room. Still hot. We tried to figure out the sleeping arrangement and we heard pounding club music coming from the place we had just left.… in fact its coming from two different sources, the bar, and a dance floor with disco lights. Apparently the show was over and now it was time for dancing – seriously almost painfully loud. Amy went down to the front desk to see when we could expect this to be done… midnight. Amy reminds them that they offered peace and tranquillity… the lady at the front desk (there is only one that speaks English) tells her, “well they have a job to do too”. It was so loud you couldn’t even think about sleeping (and remember that we have the doors wide open anyway) – so we wait it out, even going outside at one point to watch. Finally at about 12:20 they turn it DOWN (not off) – but low enough that we can now hear the booming music from the bar that had been masked by the club music, and really we can hear both, so it’s worse because you have the garbled mess of two songs competing with each other. Amy calls down to the front desk. What time does the music at the bar stop? The man doesn’t speak Inglise – Amy uses her Spanish – Music, fini, que hora? (remember that this is my translation of what she said – smile). Oh… 1:00. Good times. We’re in Italy!!

So that’s the scene – it can only get better, we’re here for 6 more days. Amy keeps trying to get in touch with the timeshare people to express her dissatisfaction – we’re just rolling with it. We asked at the front desk about calling the time share – and we can do that only from the front desk, and she will then charge our room for the call. And the music and entertainment? Oh that’s every night til 1am. The families love it, this is why people come here, to live in Italian Dirty Dancing world. And in fact, most people do seem happy, and they all either know each other or they get to know each other in this cruise ship type community. Namaste. Patti joked that it was like the Italian Dharma Initiative – and I have to agree. Even the bracelets have a little circular symbol on them.

This morning we wanted to be sure to be on time for the 9:30 informational meeting – even though we’re fairly sure that it’s all in Italian, maybe Amy could get the gist and we could ask questions after the meeting. We watched a little Italian tv which is always interesting, there are no English channels here, and we find the weirdest things dubbed. Like this morning there was an episode of “Joey” on – yes, the spin off of Friends that was on for just a “hot minute” as Amy says. Its an episode with Ellen on it, he’s going on her show – but we can’t really figure out why or what is happening. Last night we watched a little of the USA/England game, and then we flipped around and found the MTV movie awards in English with subtitles, that was a treat just to have English, we didn’t care what it was. So anyway, we go down to the desk… and oh, that meeting is at 9:30… *PM*. Tonight. In the theatre area (its an open theatre like forum). And it’s a meeting conducted by the performers of Animation, who it turns out is also the “Staff” – they’ll be in shirts that say STAFF today in the lobby if we want to ask questions (Namaste). It’s the same lady that we talked to last night, and she seems confused as to why we want to go to this meeting so bad – I say that we have paid for activities, and we don’t have a schedule – and now we’ll actually be here for 24 hours before anyone tells us what “activity and sport” are available with our lovely bracelets that can’t part from our bodies. I get the feeling that the info about the activities will be like how we can be more involved in their performances or something. Oh, well there is the swimming pool, and the beach (but you have to walk through a path and over a rocky cliff to get to the small beach area) – and tennis? I give her my best “Whatchu talking bout Willis?” faces… Tennis?? Do I look like I play tennis? In this heat? My “activity” this week will be the AC and the internet right here in the lobby (I conveyed all of that with a single look).

We leave her, and head out to the grocery store. Today is Sunday so there are no city buses, but it’s a short walk to the store. We leave the compound (seriously guarded gates) and head out in the direction that they point after we have a mutual understanding of the word “food” (again signing also). Its not a bad walk, just narrow sidewalks, and already feels like noon and its 9:30. We arrive at LIDL, and we quickly realize that its an Italian version of Aldis, right down to the coin slots for the shopping carts (except that its 1 Euro, not a quarter). This has been the best part of Monopoli so far! We had a blast trying to figure out what food was what, and laughing at the funny names and pictures on the packages. Also laughed at the prices – the brie? Just over 1€, and wine? All the wine is under 2€. So we stocked up on wine and cheese. And of course this is Europe so they have Nutello – but they also have 3 versions of generic Nutello – I think we got the “nutso” or something like that. I’ll post pics of the best ones.

Got back – had a nice breeze flowing through the apt – sat out on the lanai overlooking our dirt field, had nutso and bread, brie and bagel chips with a little Coca-light (diet coke) and Patti’s “40” of coke (the Coke comes in big cans like the big 40s of beer back home, and the coca light is in cans shaped like Red Bull). The front porch was blocked by two men doing repairs to the stucco on the ceiling above the walkway, and when they guy works on the ceiling we get a little beer belly show. Eew. Amy and I came over to the lobby area to see about getting on the internet and getting contact info for the timeshare – and I got onto Facebook and checked every version of email – felt good to catch up. I’m a crackberry junkie, and this limited access to information and email is making me shake a little. And right now I’m in the lobby typing this up offline, and watching the staff greet each new member of the compound. They take the kids aside, tussle with them a bit, tossle their hair, make them a paper crown, and send them on their way – all part of the initiation into Dharma. J Great place for Italian families.

Patti and Amy just came in to check on me, and Patti is checking email. They walked down to the beach with Dana, quite an adventure, walking up, then down, over rocks… to a little piece of beach in the cliffs. Its nice, and Amy even got a chill because the water is as cold as spring water. They saw an Italian soap opera live on the beach and added their own story. There was a couple, the man with scratches on his back, and she with the nails that looked to be the weapon… she was yelling at him and he was looking down sheepishly. They made up a whole story about how he slept with the maid of honor in the wedding and she was referring to their rings, saying “these rings are supposed to be sacred!” – but she just saw them holding hands, so they seemed to have worked things out.

Amy just went up to the front desk and there is a new lady that speaks English – and lo and behold, we have instructions in English and a map of the area, information about shuttles, and we notice that to swim in the pool it is COMPULSORY that you wear a swim cap that can be purchased at the desk for only 3€. They were swimming today, but it was while the lifeguard was not on duty – everything here stops from 12-3 for siesta, and the lifeguard is off during that time, its even in the list of rules that we observe quiet time during that time. Not at 1am mind you, but at 3 in the afternoon, its very important that we be quiet. Wow. But we met a staff member that speaks very little English (more than we speak Italian) and he’s very sweet, I asked Patti his name and she said she thinks its Felatio. Hey, oh! Amy just spoiled my fun and said its Alessio. Hmmm, so close.

So that’s where I’m signing off for the day – it’s only 5:30 here, so the night is young. Iàm going to go back and wash out some clothes in the sink so I have something wear tmw, and we’re going to try and stay positive, and keep Amy out of any international incidents. And I told them that tonight we’ll go down and join the activities (and this from me who cringes at the whole joining thing) – and we’ll have fun! We’re in Italy! Namaste!